i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
