I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
