Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Send help, water and tortillas.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize