Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
