is wine microwaveable?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize