When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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