Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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