you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
only you would photoshop your dick
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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