Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she pinky promised me she was 18
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
