Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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