We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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