yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
