So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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