You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
