any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
