I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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