and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
