I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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