I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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