For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
