May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
