I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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