Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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