PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
