im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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