I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
