you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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