she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
