No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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