You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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