We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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