come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
