I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
