I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
