you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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