If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
