I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
