I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
