Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
