Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
