YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
