there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
