And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
