Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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