I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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