Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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