Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
