I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
