Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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