Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
