my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
