i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
