someone threw a dead crab at me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
