I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
