is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
