she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
