it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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