I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Everything about him screamed your future.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
