What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this just has baby written all over it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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