Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
