You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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