I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
