This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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