I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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