Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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