oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
