dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
