she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Welp...herpes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
