You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
