I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
