is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
