I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
