totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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