i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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