Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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