Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
