when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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