I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
