When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
