He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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