Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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