How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
