Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
