At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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