gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
