She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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