Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize