i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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