thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
