My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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