Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
