hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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